I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
