Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
