youre lurking in front of me
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
