I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How's work?
Spinning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
