Got a toothbrush?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
