Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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