You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
