The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize