I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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