i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize