I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
