The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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