So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
