Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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