In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
