We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize