I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
