I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
