The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
