maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
