It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm bleeding and have questions
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
