I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
