i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
