i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize