I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
