I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
