Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
