I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
