i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
