just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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