I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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