I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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