In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
