"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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