i already hear my dad disowning me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
