This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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