Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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