She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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