Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
