evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
