new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
