Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
