This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
