do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Operation Purity has been aborted
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm at about main and main street
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
