I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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