do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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