The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
