So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
