I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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