I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
