R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
