why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
