I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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