Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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