Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
