I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
