you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
