guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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