two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
