I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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