I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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