oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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