Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize