Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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