was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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