i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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