we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
