Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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